I'm Sorry

I KNOW, I know, everyone is probably SICK to DEATH of seeing dis bitch XDD Especially the poor dears who I still owe requests to... I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN, I PROMISE.

Wall of text coming up, GET READY



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GO


ABOUT THE PICTURE
I just...I HAD to do this picture. I was completely restless if I wasn't working on it. It had to come out.

This is the part where most of you will probably quirk an eyebrow and think I should start getting professional help, but...bare with me.

At some point after finishing that last picture with Blake, I was sitting at my computer, playing the song in the background and just looking at it, taking in the emotion and the impact of it. And there was a brief, fleeting moment where I actually, legitimately felt bad for Blake. For just that instance, she was not someone I made up or some character from a video game. She was a real person, with worlds of anger and hatred and pain....and it was all my fault. I had made her that way, written her that way, given her that story. I mean, sure, she originally is from Fallout 3 where the story was already written for me, but I chose how she reacted to those events. I chose how they affected her, not just in those moments, but for the rest of her life until her final thought and breath. Not to mention that I also "transferred" her to New Vegas, a plot that was supposed to be completely separate from D.C. I had to fill in that gap, with years of history and 'what happened since'.

And I'm looking at this picture and listening to this song, and felt the sting of the poison in her. That I gave to her. And I just...say what you want about me, but I just felt awful. And I wanted to sort of...make it up to her. Especially since the picture before that one was melancholy at best, I just felt like...she deserved some happiness. Or at least some peace.

So I thought about drawing her in an alternate universe; like in Skyrim or something, where she'd had a relatively normal life. Not even as the Dovakhiin, just...a regular old girl living her life. She would have been smiling. But, when I talked it over with Boyfriend, he thought about it and said "But then it wouldn't be Blake." And at first I kind of shrugged it off, but, I think he's right. I'm the kind of person that believes that who we are is made up, for the most part, from our experiences. What happens to us and how we react to them is what builds us. And if Blake had been in that world, a happy farmers daughter...he was right, it just wouldn't be her.

But I didn't give up, I couldn't. I owe her. So I thought about a moment that was very very special to me in the New Vegas DLC, Honest Hearts. It's there, in the remains of Zion National Park, where the player experiences something never before seen in D.C. and New Vegas alike; rain.

When I was playing and it started to rain, at first I was just like "oh that's cool, weather systems and shit, whatevs". But then it hit me that, at this point, Blake had lived a majority of her life in a place where pretty much all the water everywhere was radiated...and finding a way to clean it took it's fair share in sacrifice. So it's one thing for her to come to New Vegas/Zion National Park and find that the water that is already there is naturally clean...but that it falls from the sky, too? Like it did before the clouds were scorched dry by nuclear fire. I imagine it'd be a lot like experiencing snow for the first time, but on a more monumental level. At least, it is for Blake.

This is a moment that I've been really excited to portray in my comic (which I pretend I am still active with). But given my current rate, I'll have great grandchildren and be dead before I ever get to this point in her story line.

Anyway, this is a moment that was very special to me and to Blake's story. A moment where, in between her poisonous anger and rotting heart and soul, she finds a place in time of true peace, and almost cleansing experience, at least partially.


ABOUT THE ART
Please for the love of all that is good and holy DO NOT VIEW FULL REZ

I tried a lot of different things with this one XD Most notably, NO LINEART. I have I think maybe one or two other pictures without lineart. I am, clearly, very awful at it XD I did have lines to start out with, but I thought they would be too harsh for the image. I wanted this to be as calm, cool, soft, and relaxing as possible. And also encouraged me to do less 'airbrush' like shading and more 'bold, like strokes of paint'. So I figured this'd be a good time as any to give it a shot XD

I didn't ask for anyone's help on this one, and I'm not really sure why...I guess partially because it just felt too personal to show to anyone before it was complete. Like if they saw it too many times, it would lose the emotion I wanted. Kind of like semantic satiation but for your eyes XD; Or something. Idk. Also, I did want to see how well I could do on my own, how far I can ride without training wheels XD; I know it is FAAAAAAAR from perfect, and there are so many things I am aware of that look hideous (like her HANDS. AUGH. HANDDSSS. They look better with the lines I promise QQ ) but..idk. It was a personal growth thing for the both of us XD (and by that I mean me and Blake....because I am a crazy person and my characters are real to me. @w@ )

Anyway, ah, I think that's everything...oh, I totally forgot the scars over her eye, but...FUCKIT. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED I CXAJHFHDJKGHF I will add them in tomorrow. But it's nbd.

Oh, also, she has a different gun because it is during this DLC that she gets her .45 X3

Hope y'all like ;





I hate to be a whore but if you could, please comment letting me know how I did Q~~Q