Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
I'm Sorry by Hehewuti I'm Sorry by Hehewuti
I KNOW, I know, everyone is probably SICK to DEATH of seeing dis bitch XDD Especially the poor dears who I still owe requests to... I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN, I PROMISE.

Wall of text coming up, GET READY



I just...I HAD to do this picture. I was completely restless if I wasn't working on it. It had to come out.

This is the part where most of you will probably quirk an eyebrow and think I should start getting professional help, but...bare with me.

At some point after finishing that last picture with Blake, I was sitting at my computer, playing the song in the background and just looking at it, taking in the emotion and the impact of it. And there was a brief, fleeting moment where I actually, legitimately felt bad for Blake. For just that instance, she was not someone I made up or some character from a video game. She was a real person, with worlds of anger and hatred and pain....and it was all my fault. I had made her that way, written her that way, given her that story. I mean, sure, she originally is from Fallout 3 where the story was already written for me, but I chose how she reacted to those events. I chose how they affected her, not just in those moments, but for the rest of her life until her final thought and breath. Not to mention that I also "transferred" her to New Vegas, a plot that was supposed to be completely separate from D.C. I had to fill in that gap, with years of history and 'what happened since'.

And I'm looking at this picture and listening to this song, and felt the sting of the poison in her. That I gave to her. And I just...say what you want about me, but I just felt awful. And I wanted to sort of...make it up to her. Especially since the picture before that one was melancholy at best, I just felt like...she deserved some happiness. Or at least some peace.

So I thought about drawing her in an alternate universe; like in Skyrim or something, where she'd had a relatively normal life. Not even as the Dovakhiin, just...a regular old girl living her life. She would have been smiling. But, when I talked it over with Boyfriend, he thought about it and said "But then it wouldn't be Blake." And at first I kind of shrugged it off, but, I think he's right. I'm the kind of person that believes that who we are is made up, for the most part, from our experiences. What happens to us and how we react to them is what builds us. And if Blake had been in that world, a happy farmers daughter...he was right, it just wouldn't be her.

But I didn't give up, I couldn't. I owe her. So I thought about a moment that was very very special to me in the New Vegas DLC, Honest Hearts. It's there, in the remains of Zion National Park, where the player experiences something never before seen in D.C. and New Vegas alike; rain.

When I was playing and it started to rain, at first I was just like "oh that's cool, weather systems and shit, whatevs". But then it hit me that, at this point, Blake had lived a majority of her life in a place where pretty much all the water everywhere was radiated...and finding a way to clean it took it's fair share in sacrifice. So it's one thing for her to come to New Vegas/Zion National Park and find that the water that is already there is naturally clean...but that it falls from the sky, too? Like it did before the clouds were scorched dry by nuclear fire. I imagine it'd be a lot like experiencing snow for the first time, but on a more monumental level. At least, it is for Blake.

This is a moment that I've been really excited to portray in my comic (which I pretend I am still active with). But given my current rate, I'll have great grandchildren and be dead before I ever get to this point in her story line.

Anyway, this is a moment that was very special to me and to Blake's story. A moment where, in between her poisonous anger and rotting heart and soul, she finds a place in time of true peace, and almost cleansing experience, at least partially.

Please for the love of all that is good and holy DO NOT VIEW FULL REZ

I tried a lot of different things with this one XD Most notably, NO LINEART. I have I think maybe one or two other pictures without lineart. I am, clearly, very awful at it XD I did have lines to start out with, but I thought they would be too harsh for the image. I wanted this to be as calm, cool, soft, and relaxing as possible. And also :iconkarolinanoumenon: encouraged me to do less 'airbrush' like shading and more 'bold, like strokes of paint'. So I figured this'd be a good time as any to give it a shot XD

I didn't ask for anyone's help on this one, and I'm not really sure why...I guess partially because it just felt too personal to show to anyone before it was complete. Like if they saw it too many times, it would lose the emotion I wanted. Kind of like semantic satiation but for your eyes XD; Or something. Idk. Also, I did want to see how well I could do on my own, how far I can ride without training wheels XD; I know it is FAAAAAAAR from perfect, and there are so many things I am aware of that look hideous (like her HANDS. AUGH. HANDDSSS. They look better with the lines I promise QQ ) but..idk. It was a personal growth thing for the both of us XD (and by that I mean me and Blake....because I am a crazy person and my characters are real to me. @w@ )

Anyway, ah, I think that's everything...oh, I totally forgot the scars over her eye, but...FUCKIT. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED I CXAJHFHDJKGHF I will add them in tomorrow. But it's nbd.

Oh, also, she has a different gun because it is during this DLC that she gets her .45 X3

Hope y'all like ^^;;

I hate to be a whore but if you could, please comment letting me know how I did Q~~Q
Add a Comment:
halogirl237 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Student Digital Artist
sweet, really fantastic job
Hehewuti Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconiloveyouplz: Thank you so much!!
skin-walker-Thunder Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Student General Artist
Dude, I know exactly how seeing rain in Fallout felt. And Honest Hearts was my fav DLC, aaaaaah. Beautiful landscapes and tribals and yao guai and then BAM, it starts raining. I loved that place so much I kept coming back every once in a while, even ended up getting a weather mod so the Mojave could have rain too.
Anyway, back to the pic: CLOTHING FOLDS. OMG HOW. PRETTY PRETTY CLOTHING FOLDS. The whole shading thing and everything, and the wet hair adn the hands, did I mention the hands? Also clothing folds.
Hehewuti Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
X3 ~!!

Honest Hearts was easily my favorite New Vegas DLC X3 If only because of the .45 auto. LOVE DAT GUN. But also like, the landscape was really really beautiful. It was so nice actually seeing some COLOR in the wasteland XD And also all the clear, clean water, and the rain obviously XD I thought briefly about getting a weather mod, but I don't really play that game enough anymore to really benefit from it ^^;;

Thank you so much!! QwQ This piece I did without any help, so I'm glad to know that it's at least decent XD I think the only reason why the clothing folds worked out so well is because I wear leather jackets a lot (or at least I used to) so I got pretty familiar with how it worked as a fabric.

AUGH I hate the hands so much XDD I don't see how people can think they are good, haha. But still, thank you so very very much QwQ All of that really means a lot to me X3 I hope I won't disappoint!!
KarolinaNoumenon Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Professional Digital Artist

DUDE <333

OMG <333



It's so good ; A : seriously, i can't-- you get somuch better with every image it makes me jealous <3 Like, watching you grow is amazing and inspirational and you outdo yourself each and every time and i know you don't see it now but you have developed into an amazing artist and you are better than people who have been drawing for longer than you.

Now, about the image itself i love how her jacket looks illegitimately wet. I have no idea how you managed that but the "paint" strokes really make it look like it's glistening and i love it. Those hands, by the way are pretty awesome, and i love the shape and angle of her right hand <3 Not to mention that the feeling and the story behind the picture just make it that much more interesting. <3 Waaaaaaah <3333

I'm really happy you actually tried what i recommended XD; i didn't think you would so i'm quite surprised. I say carry on and you're gonna develop some crazy coloring skills. My recommendation for your future works is to play with a bit more color on the skin itself. My mom gave me great advice once, she pointed out how skin has many tones and shades especially in the shadowed areas, and one time when i was drawing she recommended i add purple and blue to the shadows to make them deeper. And i did and it looked fucking amazing. Basically, don't be afraid to add more color. Green, yellow, red... blue it won't ruin it. If you're afraid i'd recommend drawing a little picture and making the shadows on the face different colors the deeper they go in. Like start with light red and go deeper into blue or just use unusual colors for shading to see what works. Here, i made you a thing [link] that is pretty much what i mean XD if you try that a few times that will really help you with the depth of coloring and truly making it more realistic.

I'm a huge fan of stray hair, so i totally think she could use more stray hair on her face XD;

ALSO. I see you had a lineart but deleted it because in some areas you can see the pixelated outline... one cool way to try and learn to paint that was is to have your base coloring and shading on a lower level and then paint one layer over your lineart and blend it in without actually losing you, you know? Here is a very simple tutorial (which is what actually helped me do it in the first place because painty coloring is hard as dick) [link] this girl does some really simple but nice shading (notice the color choice, too) JKASDAJHSGDFKJHASDFJHA


Hehewuti Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
QwQ OMG THANK YOOOOOOUUUU X3 :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

I think you mean 'legitimately'.. Cause illegitimately means like...incorrect XD;; Anyway thank you!! I was worried that it still wouldn't look quite right XD; Ugh, I hate her hands @_@ I think they are awful XD And I is very happy you read my wall of text story QwQ I didn't think anyone would XD

My grandpa also taught me to use blue for shading, especially with skin and the like, and I actually did use some XD A lot, actually. I guess I blended it too much..but blue was the only different shade I used, I hadn't thought about red/orange/etc. I'll try to get a little more adventurous next time, even if it won't be as much so as this one XD

I did think about the stray hair, but wet hair tends to clump, y'know? So I thought I could get away with it XD;

Hmm, interesting...yeah, I caught some spots that were pretty pixel-ey, I just went over them with the brush to soften a little bit, but I guess I missed some XD Interesting tutorial, though, I'll refer to that in the future, too XD

HSJKDHFJKGJKDSDSAKGF THANK YOU SO MUUCCCHHHH QwQ I IS HAPPEH. I totally did not put as much effort into this as the Radioactive picture, and it really wasn't supposed to be like superspecial or anything, it was more for the feel & message, y'know? But still, I is very very very glad you think it turned out so good X3 Thank yoooouuu!!~~~
Leunbrund Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012   Digital Artist
Good work on her hair and clothing; making a character appear wet (and cold) is not always an easy thing. Friend and I were just discussing how hard it can be, so congrats!
Hehewuti Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you! I know it's not my best, but at least I achieved kind of what I was looking for XD;;
munnkie Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Student Digital Artist
This is gorgeous :D I love her hair and the rain that's pooled in her palm. Definitely a job well done :thumbsup: I know the lineless painting I have somewhere in my files is crying. XD
Hehewuti Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
X3 Thank you so much! It was...definitely a chore XD But I think it was a good experience, and I learned some things from it ^^ So I call it a win XD
Add a Comment:


Submitted on
November 6, 2012
Image Size
1.1 MB


19 (who?)